Monsters and Mazes, a Heroes Guide - An Extract

By Sebastian Flash-Heart

The lesson for today: destroying artefacts IV

1. When adventuring make sure that its a nice day. You don’t want to ruin a good suit. And sunshine will make you look better …and its not what you do its how you look whilst doing it that makes all the difference.
2. Goblins, whilst being fodder can be little bastards if magical so beware.
3. Death Aligned characters can anger easily, and are somewhat upset at having benificial life miricles cast upon them, so do this as often as you can without putting yourself in too much danger (know when to back off!)
4. Not all bandits are evil. Some will be doing this act out of despiration for their familys. Do not judge anyone before you have first judged yourself.
5. A life ward does not appear of its own accord. Expect foul play.
6. Lives in danger should superceed the chain of command, but not if it will prevent you going out and saving the day on a different day. Learn how to judge what is the most important action from the point of view of the downtrodden masses, and think what would benifit them best.
7. Do NOT crawl unless absoutely necessary. Get less heroic members of your party to do so (but not the ladys…unless this will provide additional entertainment).
8. Barbarians irritate very easily and have a short fuse and big muscles. NEVER EVER say classic phrases such as “I’m an all powerful mage. You are wearing a skirt” or “Fancy some magic on that nice sword” or “I knew a barbarian once, but I blasted him with a fireball…”
9. Demons are a misuse of power. Teach them how to war! Go smite on their ass.
10. Artefacts are hard to break and act like magnets for Bad Things™. Generally put on you’re best trousers and prepare for death if trying to break one.
11. When battle is over, make sure you have access to one (or more) maidens to tend to your wounds as this increases healing time…